The myth of a faster bike

A modern day fairy tale

by A F Asterbike

Many years ago, not too long after dinosaurs ceased inhabiting the earth, an old bike existed quite peacefully in a shed, carefully accumulating dust. Its owner had not used it for several years and it sat neglected, tyres deflated. How the bike longed to see the sunshine again.

One fine, warm and sunny day, with not a single cloud in the sky, the owner was encouraged by his work mates to complete a local cyclethon. So, the old bike, the owners trusty (and rusty and squeaky, 10 year old, 15,000km on the clock) Morrison 10 speed was dragged from the shed into the bright sunlight and the thick dust was scraped off. Its tyres were inflated and its wish was fulfilled. After completing a “strenuous” six week riding schedule, which totalled about 1,000km, the cyclethon was completed in a time of a little under four hours. Immediately after the event, the old faithful bike was put back in the shed and forgotten about. Dust again began to accumulate.

Another 10 months passed and as the weather improved and the days became longer, the thoughts of the owner turned to cycling. This year, the owner thought, some serious riding was needed. As was written into stone age law, visions of planned riding levels and riding levels actually achieved varied wildly. The time of the cyclethon was quickly approaching after seven weeks and about 1,000km of riding had been completed on “old faithful.” Unfortunately, the old bike was showing its age and breaking spokes on every ride i.e. three or four times a week. Now a very regular patron of a local bike shop, the owner decided to invest in one of those nice new shiny entry level racing bikes. The owners spirit was buoyed immensely by the fact that they were assured that this was a “faster bike.” This meant it should be about 30 minutes faster around the cyclethon course than the old Morrison 10 speed. The big day came and went. The new bike simply did not perform - the ride had taken one minute longer on the faster bike than on the old faithful. Thoughts of a refund were quickly locked in the shed with the bike as cycling was again forgotten about.

More months rolled past, a new year commenced. Early winter approached and the new faster bike was pulled out of the shed to ride with the local cycling club. On the first ride, the bike again failed miserably and came a very comprehensive and extremely distant last. Motivation could not be gained for the following weeks ride and the bike stayed home. Over the next few months, a number of rides were completed and the bike slowly improved. A couple of months before the local cyclethon, a schedule of planned rides was set down which covered a total of approximately 1,600km. Soon enough, the big day came again and the bike finally performed - it shaved almost 20 minutes off its riders previous record. Perhaps it is a faster bike after all, the owner surmised.

The next year quickly arrived with the odd bit of cycling occurring on a regular basis. Semi-competitive thoughts entered the owners mind and they felt compelled to invest in a much faster bike. Again, the owner was assured that the new bike would be much faster up the hills and would be much easier to maintain higher speeds on the flats. A training program was set in place for the local cyclethon and about 1,800km were achieved over an eight week period. On the day of the cyclethon, the new much faster bike only achieved a time virtually identical to that of the previous year. The owner was suitably depressed with the bikes performance until they recalled the old cycling myth of a faster bike. Thoughts of a refund were again quickly considered but were dismissed as the truth of the myth of the faster bike began to bite home.

Soon enough, another cyclethon was looming and the myth was again considered. If a faster bike is not a reality, then an alternative method of going faster for the same effort had to be devised. Visiting the local cycle shop, the owner saw a tandem for sale. The owner had heard that tandems were faster bikes.

                                                                                                                                              
Buzzing with excitement, the tandem was tested, examined and eventually purchased. Training speeds and distances rose rapidly. The owner rejoiced - the myth could not be true - the tandem was surely a faster bike! With the tandem, the 10 weeks of training covering most days and several thousand kilometres were easily accomplished. The big day came, the rain fell, the bike punctured and fell apart. The final result was a time within a few minutes of the previous two years. The owner again felt compelled to demand a refund on the new faster bike. They had now purchased three faster bikes and all had failed to perform! Had the myth of the faster bike enforced it truth once more?

Sensing that it was just bad luck rather than a slower bike, a longer ride was planned for six weeks later. Training was intermittent but speeds were generally promising. The day of the longer ride soon arrived and the myth bit savagely once again - the time taken was virtually the same as the previous year! Shortly afterwards, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, the owner filed the bike away and it was not seen again for over seven months.

Determined to prove the myth wrong, the tandem was resurrected and a rigourous, structured, eleven week training schedule involving seven day a week training and peaking briefly at just over 450km a week was devised for the following year. In training, speeds were well down on the previous years excitement but the training schedule was largely adhered to. Finally, after weeks of training, the big day came once more. The sun shone and little wind disturbed the day. The bike flew around the course, shaving almost 40 minutes off the previous fastest time of the owner. So, the bike is faster after all, the owner concluded. The myth of a faster bike is false!

To prove the myth of a faster bike dead, a longer ride six weeks later was again planned. Training for this soon fell apart and very little was actually completed. On a bitterly cold day, the bike slowed, punctured and eventually rolled home in a time over 10 minutes slower than the previous year. Curse the myth the owner exclaimed. It simply cannot be true!

In the following days, the owner reflected on the achievements of previous years. If the myth of a faster bike is true, what else affects the time taken? Reviewing the number of kilometres covered before each ride, a pattern was fairly evident - more riding, a faster time. Dismissing the facts, the owner cast their mind ahead to the next year. I need a faster bike, the myth cannot be true.

Slowly the owners mind slipped into a state of deep sleep. Thoughts that perhaps a triplet tandem is a faster bike started to float across their mind .................................................. Perhaps next year I will finally purchase a FASTER BIKE! The dream continued to this day .................................... 

                                                                                              

The End

© 1998, Jason M Kelly, all rights reserved.